The Pride Thing
August 6, 2009 by Kristin LaVanway · 1 Comment
Pride is a powerful thing. It has been my motivation in tough times, but I now realize it has also been my worst enemy.
Many events and achievements in my life have brought me great pride. Certainly my kids make me enormously proud. The fact that I am the first person in my family to graduate from college is a source of pride. I am proud that I can drive a stick shift – a skill I mastered by driving a 1960 Volkswagon Beetle through the hills of Palos Verdes – a car that surely is run by hamster power. Yes, I am proud that I mastered that challenge. I am proud that I can make bread, that I earned an ‘A’ grade in Partial Differential Equations at UC Santa Barbara, and that I changed the flourescent light fixture in my laundry room – despite the fear of electrocution, even with the power off.
But my current situation, my personal economic crisis, has taught me that pride is incredibly overrated. Pride has been holding me down, isolating me and sapping my strength. Because I have measured myself by achievements in my life, this less-than-ideal circumstance has given me very little to feel proud of. I am ashamed that I am struggling to support my family, and that I have failed to meet the expectations I set for myself. I am embarrassed to admit that I cannot earn enough money to pay my bills. Pride that once drove me to challenge myself, to set the bar high and to believe that I could do anything has now made me weak and to doubt myself every moment of every day.
But, an amazing thing has happened. I realized that the opposite of pride is not shame, but humility…and humility is far more powerful than pride.
George Arlis, an English actor who lived in the late 1800’s, said
Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life.
Humility, which is centered around the “You” and not the “Me”, has opened the door to a whole new way of looking at things, to a point-of-view that has more dimension, more promise, and more optimism. As I was thinking about this paradigm, I came across an article called:
Humility - The Most Beautiful Word in the English Language By Bruna Martinuzzi
Check out the article – it’s really good. Here is an excerpt: “There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretence: it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages more openness and paradoxically, it enhances one’s self-confidence. It opens a window to a higher self. For me, it replaces “windowsill” as the most beautiful word in the English language.”
WOW! That’s heavy stuff. By letting go of my pride and embracing humility…I have opened myself up to others and what I have found is really quite beautiful. It goes way beyond the notion that I am too proud to ask for help. Instead, what I am finding is that I am surrounded by amazing people who have inspired me to keep going. That I judge myself much more harshly than anyone else. And that I have never really taken the time to appreciate what others have achieved. Humility has given me strength and hope and it has connected me to others who are going through the same experiences I am.
Humility leads to strength and not to weakness. It is the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes and to make amends for them.
One of my favorite movies, Gone with the Wind, is as a metaphor for this lesson. Scarlett O’Hara, that proud Southern Belle, loses everything when the Civil War wipes out her home and everything she knows. Tired and hungry, she vows that she and her kin will never be hungry again. I always took this as a matter of pride, but I now see it as a moment of humility. OK, Scarlett is no angel, but this isn’t about virtue, it’s about perspective. Indeed, humility is a window to a higher self. And I am opening that window…
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I am a Realtor in Gilbert, AZ, working with clients throughout the Phoenix Metro area. I am lucky to love what I do and appreciate the difference I can make in people's lives.
In a previous life, I was a rocket scientist - really! - but decided to step away from corporate America to be a Mom to my four boys. Found it hard to do bake sales, so I ran a small independent programming business instead.
Flash forward...I am now a single mom and I face many, many challenges everyday. I am living through the hardships that many are facing in this economy. These experiences have motivated me to help other people in my shoes.
I have recently been certified as a distressed property expert (CDPE) to allow me to better serve those who may be struggling with their finances and may be looking at a possible foreclosure. My goal is to help these folks evaluate all their options and choose the best course of action.
It’s funny that you finally spoke up! I have been waiting for someone to bring this out to the open! Anyway… nice post. I will be back.